Terms and conditions

... Alright, folks, when you peel off the film from this new iPhone and smash that 'Agree' button, we're basically blood-signing a digital contract with ... the devil

I've prompted AI to skim through the terms and conditions to give us a basic understanding of what we've signed up for:

1. Apple's got more dirt on me than anybody else. From how many times I twitch my eyelid to when I take a midnight piss ....

2. They lend me their software, but it ain't mine. No reverse engineering, no jailbreak.

3. Apple has the power to sunset any app you've got installed. If they decide to redefine what a calculator is, your bills are gonna be a pain in the ass again...

4. My data's now a public domain, with Apple being the only owner deciding who gets it and how much they pay for it.

5. Geolocation works even if your phone's off and without a SIM. The only way to shut it down is to crack open your device and reduce it to a blob of goo...

Well, Apple's got over 2 billion connected devices. It's hard to find you. But with AI, the pity game's changed - it's no longer a problem.

What if I join the Flying Pasta Monster Church and snap a selfie wearing a colander on my head at night? Who knows, tomorrow it might be outlawed.

Mon Sep-30-2024 21:45

Armen Nelson